Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
