I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
pop tarts are not kleenex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
BRING THE BAGELS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
