walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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