Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
