Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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