If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I party with great urgency now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize