Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have already put on my inside pants.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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