It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize