This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
