Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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