we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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