im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
