We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
