During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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