Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
