Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
