UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His nipple licking is glorious
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