It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
