Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize