You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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