I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Randomize