It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
