someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
