we have officially lost it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
