Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
