and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
