i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
