I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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