sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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