the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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