Where is the hickey?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
