Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just google imaged poop.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
