wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
