my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
