Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
