if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
