Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
