She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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