They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
