I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
