i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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