I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
