my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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