I could have mohawked her pubes.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
