i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i already hear my dad disowning me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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