One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
