i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
