I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize