is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
