She tied me up with her honor cords...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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