just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
