I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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