Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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