I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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