Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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