recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
