drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
