If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
