My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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