Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize