You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
