well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
