I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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