Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i out mim tonsoeep
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