when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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