I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
