i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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