So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
