I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
