Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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