i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
