Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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